The prayer wagon, that is.
I'm not sure how it really happens. I don't plan it. I'll wake up, intending to make my five prayers that day. Or I'll go to sleep, intending to wake up for fajr. (Let's face it, fajr is the hardest one of all for so many of us.)
But then I sleep through fajr because I was up until the wee hours (a more common occurrence than I honestly want it to be).
Having done that, I'll procrastinate the rest of them. *adhan app goes off* Thinks to self: "I'm doing such-and-such, I'll go pray in a few minutes." But I forget, and suddenly I've missed dhuhr and it's asr or (worse) magrib. Then, oops, I missed magrib, too. "I'll pray isha before I go to bed tonight", I tell myself. But then I don't do that one, either.
All of a sudden, I've missed an entire day - and those days become a week, then two... and even longer.
I think about all the time that's passed, all the prayers I've missed, and feel guilty. When I do pray, I love the way it makes me feel. I make that connection with Allah. I step on that prayer rug, and it's like a 2x4 spot of peace. That's when I really settle in to my identity as a Muslim. So why do I have these long gaps where I don't make a single prayer in an entire day?
I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I can't even try to excuse it by saying "I'm busy", because I'm not. I don't have a job. I'm not going to school. (Though I am looking for work and will be taking a continuing education class at the local college in a month, inshAllah.)
The only answer I can come up with is that I'm lazy. It's true. I'm lazy. I don't try to be. I don't intend to be. I just let myself get bogged down with frustration over my aimless, jobless state, and so I don't do anything.
I want to get myself back on track. I really do. Of course, the only way to do that is to pull out that rug and pray. Being consistent in my prayers really is #MyJihad.
How do you get yourself out of it when you fall into a prayer rut?
Even before I fell off the religion wagon in general I was never very good at making regular prayers. I think I would fail as a Muslim so, so badly.
ReplyDeleteAww~ We all go through this hun and the fact that you recognize it means that you're iman is still there and that's what is most important : )
ReplyDeleteIf you're simply forgetting and intending to pray then don't worry too much. It's just shaytan and Allah testing you. When I forget or miss a prayer I make it up with the next or I make myself do them all before bed (which I dread but do because if I don't I DID miss a prayer). And you're allowed to do this if you miss a prayer. With fajr also just make sure it's the first thing you do when you wake up even if you missed the actual time. It's all about making the habit and remembering Allah. I also make myself feel scared that what if I die before I sleep and with fajr I tell myself my whole day is thanks to Allah I must wake up and pray! It's just little self reminders~ Inshallah you'll get back on track and I pray Allah keeps guiding <3
Alsalamu Alaikum sister! I just found your blog and I appreciate your honesty in a lot of your posts. When I fall off the prayer wagon, I need to turn to fellow sisters. I go to the masjid more often and spend my time with devout sisters who fear Allah SWT. I draw my ambition from them. This is why the Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: “A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” [reported by Abu Dawood & Tirmidhee]
ReplyDelete-Izabella B.