Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Falling Off the Wagon
The prayer wagon, that is.
I'm not sure how it really happens. I don't plan it. I'll wake up, intending to make my five prayers that day. Or I'll go to sleep, intending to wake up for fajr. (Let's face it, fajr is the hardest one of all for so many of us.)
But then I sleep through fajr because I was up until the wee hours (a more common occurrence than I honestly want it to be).
Having done that, I'll procrastinate the rest of them. *adhan app goes off* Thinks to self: "I'm doing such-and-such, I'll go pray in a few minutes." But I forget, and suddenly I've missed dhuhr and it's asr or (worse) magrib. Then, oops, I missed magrib, too. "I'll pray isha before I go to bed tonight", I tell myself. But then I don't do that one, either.
All of a sudden, I've missed an entire day - and those days become a week, then two... and even longer.
I think about all the time that's passed, all the prayers I've missed, and feel guilty. When I do pray, I love the way it makes me feel. I make that connection with Allah. I step on that prayer rug, and it's like a 2x4 spot of peace. That's when I really settle in to my identity as a Muslim. So why do I have these long gaps where I don't make a single prayer in an entire day?
I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I can't even try to excuse it by saying "I'm busy", because I'm not. I don't have a job. I'm not going to school. (Though I am looking for work and will be taking a continuing education class at the local college in a month, inshAllah.)
The only answer I can come up with is that I'm lazy. It's true. I'm lazy. I don't try to be. I don't intend to be. I just let myself get bogged down with frustration over my aimless, jobless state, and so I don't do anything.
I want to get myself back on track. I really do. Of course, the only way to do that is to pull out that rug and pray. Being consistent in my prayers really is #MyJihad.
How do you get yourself out of it when you fall into a prayer rut?