Monday, September 28, 2009

To date or not to date?

Dating. It's that thing that most 20-somethings I know can't seem to live without, and they pity the "singletons" among the population. Sometimes it seems like the social structure of the universe is dependent upon everyone dating. "Going out". "Going steady". "Seeing someone." Or having a "significant other".

A friend of mine from the Army once told me, after breaking up with a mutual friend (who is still a buddy of mine), that she "had" to date guys because they amused her and she was bored if she wasn't dating anyone. Huh? I, of course, told her that no relationship would be successful if she wasn't happy alone, as you can't depend upon another person to make you happy. You have to make *yourself* happy. She blew me off (since I'm only 6 years older and obviously don't know what I'm talking about), immediately started dating some Air Force guy and now they're engaged.

I've dated a few guys between high school until last January. Although the last relationship didn't end badly (we still talk and get along quite well), I decided that enough was enough: no more dating. (Please remind me to tell ya'll the story of the guy I dated before him. Yeech! Was that ever a mess at the end.)

If my mom had her way, she'd set me up with a guy I dated/was engaged to a few years ago. His mom would like that, too, since she loves me. He's currently deployed, and we have kept in contact, but all I'm doing is leaving the lines of communication open. Kind of "Hi, I'm here. Oh, hi, I'm here, too." We're friends, and unless something moves him to ask my mom and stepdad for my hand (because we're both old-fashioned like that, and I love it), we'll stay just friends, and I can certainly live with that.

Yes, I am single, and you know what? I'm happy that way. I do what I want, go where I want, eat what I want, etc, and there's no man in my life to tell me how I should look or what I should do. I don't define myself or my own worth by a shallow relationship that most likely wouldn't end in marriage. Hopefully I'll get married one day, but if I don't, that's okay, too. I'm content with my relationship with God, my cats, my friends, my family, my books, and my little apartment. My needs are simple and few, and I think life is best when there is no conflict or drama or anyone else to shake up the status quo.

I, like Charlotte Lucas Collins, find myself very content with my position in life.

Well, except for not having a job, but hopefully that situation will be remedied very soon. : )


  1. thats awesome what does he think about ur niqab?

  2. YAY. It is true, one must be happy with one's self before they can be happy in a relationship.

  3. That's the way to be. I think unless the relationship has good marriage potential at the onset that its pretty pointless. Just be glad that you're not stuck in the whole cycle of meeting guys at bars/clubs. I don't know why people think that's a good place to meet anyone.

  4. Definitely don't need to know the story about the yucky penultimate ex.

    I am the sort that if I think a proposal needs to happen, I'll do it myself. Indeed, some years ago, I did just that. He asked for time to think about it, so during that time I considered myself taken and refused invitations to spend time alone with other men. He said no eventually, but we continued to be friends, neither of us has been seeing anyone else since then, so the subject has come up from time to time.

    But anyway, what I am driving at is that during that nearly year's time when it was just plain inappropriate and immoral for me to be spending time alone with other men - unless there was some legitimate business reason for it - I found that I quite liked that lifestyle of not spending time alone with men unless there is a specific reason to do so, and so I have continued to live like this even when I have had no moral obligation to anyone except myself and God.

    Even now that marriage has come up again, I don't meet alone in person even with M unless there is a specific reason to do so. We talk once a week on the phone, and in 6 years of knowing each other have never gone out on a date. Never done more than shake hands. Indeed, he's such an old-world gentleman that we still address each other formally - he still calls me Madam! Since I don't believe in titles on Biblical grounds, I call him Esteemed Person. Which is a little amusing, since the word for person in Polish is feminine... But it's not a problem - he couldn't pass for a woman no matter how hard he tried :P

  5. I stopped dating about a year ago. Just because that's when the whole religious upheaval in my life really took over, and it was too much to worry about dating and figuring out what I was doing with my faith.

    I'm not sure I'd 'date' in the traditional sense, I'm thinking more along the lines of a courtship kind of thing. For me, the point of dating is marriage, so if it's not headed that way, then it's a waste of my time.

  6. I totally agree with you and LK - if you can't be happy with yourself, you're just setting the stage for issues and problems.

    I suppose compared to most of the western world, my husband and I "courted"...I mean, it was dating, but we both knew that the point was to get married and that's why we dated - to see if we were a good match. You gotta keep your standards and goals in mind, y'know?

  7. Woo singletons. Good word. :D

    A roommate of mine keeps trying to hook everybody up. I just wanna get done with school and not have to worry about a love life right now.